it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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