Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
