physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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