What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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