My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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