Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
