6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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