I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
