How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
