eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
