Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
