I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
