I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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