I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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