fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize