Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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