I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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