I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
