I want to make a zoo with you.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
