Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
