Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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