none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
