i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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