I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
