you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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