don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
