dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
