I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
