I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
