I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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