I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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