Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
