I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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