I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She needs sedatives and a leash
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
