paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
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if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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