I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
