walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
