Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Holy sore nipples Batman
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
