how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
