Why are handjobs necessary in class?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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