he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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