We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
