So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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