Screwed.edu
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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