Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
