you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
