Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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