I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
