I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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