just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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