margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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