my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
And then he peed in my hair
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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