Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize