I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
