I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
