I want to have your abortion
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
