your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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