I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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