one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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