i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
