I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
