could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
