conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
