the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
