Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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